The Price of My Mistakes
by Darks Light
Summary: Yaoi shounen ai KaixTala Kai thinks about all the things he has done over his past, how its led him to hurt someone very dear to him & now there seems to be only one option remaining but theres something he must do first please give it ago and R
1. Chapter 1: Sending

Disclaimer: I do not own the show beyblade or the characters, nor am I making any form of profit from this story… so please don't sue me!  
AN: this was up here before except i must of... well i dont know what i did but for some reason i came on here and it was no longer up... anyway its backup now!.

**The Price of My Mistakes  
By Darks Light**

…Kai's POV

I sigh…_Tala,_

_I sit on the boundary wall under the shelter of the trees, the sky is blue and clear yet still the ice-cold wind blows through the trees. The sun maybe shinning but I know that I will always be cold; even in the tropics I would be cold. My heart frozen over with the pain of guilt and I'm caught in a forever lasting winter. I look over the grounds as I have done so many times and still they remain the same, covered with layers and layers of snow that coats the trees, and paths. It's a beautiful site; it makes this place look so deceivingly clean. However, I don't come here to admire the scenery, though that's all I have been able to do lately. He rarely lets you outside with out him doesn't he?_

_So I sit, and I wait, though I don't even know why; maybe I'm hoping you'd choose to rebel against him, like you did against everyone else who tried to order you around, I'm hoping you'll come out and see me. However, I doubt you will and even if you don't I'll still wait, and I'll still watch. _

_I don't blame you for the situation I'm in,; I blame myself, for it is my fault that we are how we are now. All the mistakes I have made throughout my past have finally added up and now I'm left with nothing, and that's probably more then I deserve. Death is probably all I deserve. However, I'm in capable, at the moment, of taking my own life, a coward I am, a coward who can put other peoples lives at risk for personal gain yet cant even take his own._

_Something catches my attention and I look up to your bedroom window hoping to see you, but I don't; it's Bryan who's standing there glaring at me. He wants me to leave. I know because he approached me early one morning and told me to go, he doesn't care where I go he just wants me to leave you alone; he's worried about you, you know? But I can't go, believe me when I say I've tired to leave you alone because I have, and it worked for a while and I kept trying to tell myself that you would be better off with out me… but I couldn't do it as I want to be with you again, to be able to admire your beauty instead of this plain and lifeless scenery, to feel your hair between my fingers. Most of all I want to be there for you, to protect you and try to right all the wrongs and undo all the mistakes that I have made; I want to make things up to you. However, I doubt I'll ever have the chance with out causing strife between you and the others. That's something I don't want to do, cause you more pain, you who so willingly accepted me no matter how many times I left you; betrayed you._

_It hurts for me to remember those times when I was so involved in trying to become the best and gain as much power I could that I forgot who I was hurting. I'm surprised now that what I did could have even sounded like a good idea at the time, though I guess that what most people think when they're stuck looking back at the mistakes they've made. I'm surprised you even kept me as long as you did because looking back it seems I never gave you anything to actually give you a reason to let me stay; but you still kept me in the team. That's one thing I don't understand, why you still kept me… surely after leaving you twice already… I'm not going to write anymore on that; for I'm sure you can clearly picture what I'm talking about. _

_You're a good person Tala, and you deserved a better partner then I was, someone who could actually appreciate you and encourage you instead of dishing out criticism and a few harsh words with no real truth behind them. You deserve someone who would actually be there for you when you're hurt, I couldn't even do something as simple as that and I regret it._

_For now I come and willingly sit out here and wait for a chance to see you. Who knows, maybe the pain of my past mistakes will finally give me the ability to take my own life and then maybe you'll be happy, living during a time when you can barely remember my existence… Do you even know that I'm out here? I think you do, maybe, though I know Bryan's hoping you don't, that you never do. I guess my presence sets him on edge; he's probably worried that history will repeat its self again if I got to close to you again. I cant blame him for thinking like that and I hope you don't as I thought the same thing earlier on in our separation; it was the main thought that managed to keep me away from here, away from you for that period of time as I don't want to hurt you anymore._

_I'm going now, where? I don't know… for how long? Well nothing is certain, besides the fact that I'll forever miss you and forever be in dept to you; you've given me so much and taken so little. Maybe I'll come back, maybe I'll actually get to talk to you instead of hiding behind written words or maybe I'll just realise that we weren't supposed to be and find it within in myself to take my own life… the world doesn't need people like me… you don't need someone like me._

_Tala, I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused… I just had to let you know how sorry I am; for everything._

_Kai._

…Normal POV…

Kai folded the letter and placed it within an envelope with the name Tala printed on it via the use of a computer; he wasn't going to allow Bryan to throw it away just because he recognised his hand writing. Kai took a quick look at the various windows that looked down upon him from the large snow covered building before jumping down onto the street side of the wall. He walked along side the wall before arriving at a silver outlined slot in the wall where he inserted the recently sealed envelope before heading back the way he had come. Looking down at the silver pocket-knife held tightly in one hand, he flicked it open, watching as the blade glistened in the winter sunlight. He closed it again, contemplating on just throwing it away, however, he pocketed it again. Like he had told Tala in his letter; nothing's certain.

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Well there you have it and i hope you've enjoyed it... though this is most likely not the end

Sorry if this seems a bit dodgy, i havnt yet seen the whole of Beyblade G Revolution so this is mainly just based off screen shots seen and episode summaries i've read because G Rev's not scheduled to finish showing here until march! (even then i dont know if they'll actualy show the whole thing because they only showed the first half of V Force! -.-,)


	2. Chapter 2: Recieving

Eyes dart over the words of the letter again and again, and each time the same parts catch his attention…

_…He rarely lets you outside with out him doesn't he?…_

_…I don't blame you for the situation I'm in; I blame myself, for it is my fault that we are how we are now. All the mistakes I have made throughout my past have finally added up and now I'm left with nothing, and that's probably more then I deserve. Death is probably all I deserve…_

_…He wants me to leave. I know because he approached me early one morning and told me to go, he doesn't care where I go he just wants me to leave you alone; he's worried about you, you know?…_

_…However, I doubt I'll ever have the chance with out causing strife between you and the others. That's something I don't want to do, cause you more pain…_

_…Who knows, maybe the pain of my past mistakes will finally give me the ability to take my own life and then maybe you'll be happy, living during a time when you can barely remember my existence…_

_…Bryan's hoping you don't, that you never do. I guess my presence sets him on edge; he's probably worried that history will repeat its self again if I got to close to you again. I cant blame him for thinking like that and I hope you don't…_

_…I'm going now, where? I don't know… for how long? Well nothing is certain…_

_…Maybe I'll come back, maybe I'll actually get to talk to you instead of hiding behind written words or maybe I'll just realise that we weren't supposed to be and find it within in myself to take my own life… the world doesn't need people like me… you don't need someone like me…_

…Bryans POV…

I don't move, I don't breath, I just sit hear reading this again and again until I don't even have to look at the letter to visualise the words in my mind. I finally advert my eyes from the surprisingly neat writing sighing in defeat as I look around the dark room. It's night now, has been for some time as I have been sitting here for sometime. I look out the window the words …Bryan's hoping you don't, that you never do…He wants me to leave… he doesn't care where I go he just wants me to leave you alone; he's worried about you… come to mind filling me with guilt; is this my fault?

The moon shines brightly in through the bedroom window, its light flowing freely onto the bed and I sit on the edge watching as it shimmers off Tala's tear stained cheeks; he's been crying. I look away from his face as the guilt grows causing a pain in my chest that I haven't felt before; he's been crying all afternoon and hasn't even tried to hide his pain. I quietly and slowly fold up the letter before placing it on the bedside table where he had left it.

Spencer had found it in the mail around noon, I was out at the time only to come home to hear from Ian that Tala had stormed off and locked himself in his room. At the time I hadn't understood what the problem was; it wasn't unusual for Tala to do that. However, what did catch my attention was the worried look on both Ian's and Spencers faces… that's when Spencer had told me about the letter…

I look back over Tala's face, my hand moving to wipe away the fresh tears that slipped out from beneath his closed eyelids… I had gone directly to his room after Spencer informed me that our leader had started crying after reading the letter. I nocked on the door but he didn't want me to come in, however the door wasn't locked so I entered anyway. It was then that he hit me.

He didn't hit me hard and since it wasn't hard enough to nock me to the ground it was obvious it was mainly out of frustration and helplessness. However, it made me take a few steps back before looking up at him as he stood there shaking slight while staring at me with uncertain piecing blue eyes. Why? That was all he could say over and over again until he collapsed on the floor. I had walked over and knelt beside him, embraced him despite his attempts to push me away and he soon gave in to just crying into my shoulder.

I picked him up and put him on the bed, he apologised for hitting me but I told him it was I who should be apologising. Do you think he would really… he had asked me and it took me awhile to realise he what he was talking about as I hadn't read the letter yet, honestly I thought Kai could take his own life; he was capable of anything. However, I just shook my head, not wanting to upset him anymore than he already was. He wanted to know what the others thought of him now and I told him that they are just worried like I am… he just nodded and lay down still crying silently until he cried himself to sleep… I look away from him as he sleeps on all I had wanted to do was protect him from being hurt, I had witnessed it the first time and berated myself for letting it happen again; but now it seems that by trying to protect him I have just caused him more pain. I can't win.

I get up off the bed and walk to the window, scanning the snow covered grounds for any signs of Hiwatari, but he hasn't shown up yet; would he show up? I look away from the tranquil scene and back to Tala knowing he's blaming himself even though Kai had instructed him not to. My mind wanders back to the letter, and I wonder how Kai could send a letter like that and then just disappear… no return address, no confirmation that the next time we see him wont be on the news as a suicide statistic. I shake my head, he says he loves Tala, he says he doesn't want to cause him anymore pain, he says he wants to make things up to him; to be here for him… well where is he now?


	3. Chapter 3: Waiting

…Tala's POV…

I open my eyes; everything's a blur. I blink a few times as I adjust to the darkness, I look at the clock; its still early in the morning. I roll over in bed expecting to come face to face with you, except your not there. I sigh, no, it's been along time since you last lay here beside me; a long painful time. I shift slightly as I look out the window; so I'm still alive. Still here in this living nightmare, it wasn't a dream; you've left me. I'm still here, still in pain. No it wasn't a dream, it's the darkness of reality; your letter's still on the bedside table explaining everything; confirming everything.

I sit up, I feel like shit but I guess that's to be expected; I didn't get much sleep last night or any of the past nights; your leaving haunts my dreams. I look around my room and I'm surprised to see Bryan sitting on the floor, his back up against the wall; still sleeping. I slowly move towards the end of the bed, lying down, my head resting on folded arms as I watch him. I wonder how long he's been here… has he been sitting there all night?

I sit up again and look around my room agitated that I'm so restless this early in the morning. Walking over to the window I lean against the frame before looking down towards the wall outside; no sign of you. But would you even return, or had you waited to long already… I shake my head clearing my mind… I don't want to think about what you could have done even though Bryan told me you wouldn't but I don't even think he believed his own words. I turn away from the window and look at the opposite wall trying not to think about it but I cant help looking back over my shoulder; no still no sign of you.

I push myself off of the wall and make my way back over to my bed before sitting down and continuing to gaze at Bryan surprised he's still asleep… was he awake all night? What were the others doing? I consider going out to actually see for myself, Bryan had said that they were just worried but then he hadn't told me you were hanging around out side. However I don't move from the bed, I don't think I want to face them right now… until I have a foolproof lie about my behaviour yesterday.

I jump off the bed after finding myself staring out the window, once more searching for any signs of you. I pace up and down the room for a moment before tapping Bryan with my foot, hard enough to get him to wake up. He glares at me irritably, first I take a swing at him now I'm kicking out at him… funnily enough I cant bring myself to care. I hold out my hand and he takes it allowing me to get him up faster.  
"What's the deal?" he asks eyeing my suspiciously… does he still think I'm mad at him for not telling me about you?

"I'm going to go wait for Kai," I tell him and he just raises an eyebrow at me, "your coming with me" I tell him bluntly before glancing quickly once more out the window. He goes to object but stops, why I don't know but he does and just nods in agreement. I don't bother asking why at the moment but proceed to try and drag him out of my bedroom but he resists… I don't understand… he said yes.  
"I'm having a shower first," he tells me bluntly, freeing his arms from my grasp before closing his hand tightly around my wrist.  
"Your coming to, how long again has it been since the last time you showered?" he asks and I just glare at him but allow him to drag me away anyway… to much time would be waisted if I was to argue with him.

…Bryan's POV…

I look to the sky, the suns getting higher and higher; I think it's nearly noon. However not much has changed since the last time I checked. I scan the surrounding streets from where I stand atop of the wall that surrounds the building; this is where I had seen Kai. However there has been no sign of the tow-toned Russian. I feel Tala shift his back against my leg and I reach down running one hand comfortingly through his hair while stifling a yawn with my other. To late a night, to early a morning. Though I wasn't just going to leave Tala to sit out here by himself, for him to be by himself as the realisation that Kai my never come back sinks in.

I shake my head, he says he loves Tala, says all these things I couldn't imagine anyone with our upbringing ever being able to comprehend let alone say… does he even realise what he's doing to Tala by getting his hopes up like this?


	4. Chapter 4: Conclusion

…Kai's POV…

I sigh as I walk mindlessly down street after street, I don't know where I'm going but walking seems to take my mind off of things… off of you… or maybe it doesn't after all. You should have received my letter by now… as long as Bryan didn't suspect anything, he shouldn't thought,it's not as if I've actually been trying to contact you through letters; until now that is. I begin to wonder what you would have thought when you read it… would you have checked outside to see if I was sitting on the wall waiting for you? And if I were would you be willing to give me a second chance? Or would you be angry at me for bringing up old memories and just chuck it away?

I stop abruptly and a small gasp escapes my lips as I realise where I am, where I have ended up once again; your place. I guess just thinking about you leads me here unintentionally. I walk off of the street and along the wall that leads towards the woods as I look up at the building you and the others have resided in. Slipping in and out of the trees I continue to watch as it begins to snow lightly. I guess I must have done nearly a whole lap of this town during my walking for I've come here a different way, a longer way, then I usually would.

I pause as I reach the spot I would usually watch you from only to notice you sitting up on the wall, head bowed, eyes lowered with Bryan standing solemnly beside you. You're muttering something to him, but I cant make out what you saying but Bryan runs a hand through your hair and mutters something in return. I watch as he indicates back to the house, I guess he's worried you'll catch a cold or something if you stay out here to long. I take a short step back as I suddenly notice Bryan staring directly at me and I start to wonder how long he had known of my presence here.

I keep staring at him uncertain as of what he wants me to do, the way in which he's looking at me, its not as cold, as hard as it had been all those other times I had come here before in hope of talking to you. He keeps staring at me as though he's trying to figure something out, did he also read my letter to you? He smirks ever so slightly adding to my confusion, I'm curious as to what he just realised… what he just decided on. I break eye contact with him and watch as he taps you on the shoulder. You look up at him and he indicates with a wave of his hand my direction whispering something that he knows only you can hear.

I watch and you quickly turn your head towards me as I stand amongst the trees closest to the wall.You stare at me for awhile and I try to figure out what's going through your mind at the moment, are you mad, relieved, what? You stand up and nod at Bryan before disembarking the wall. I watch as you walk slowly over to me the same look Bryan had had is visible on your face… I guess you mightn't know if I truly meant what I had written to you… but I did mean it, I wouldn't have bothered writing it if I didn't. You stop and just stand there staring at me, your emotions masked so perfectly constructed that I'm not allowed to see the slightest hint of what you might be contemplating; then your eyes harden slightly.

I cringe as I feel the your hand come in contact with my face making me turn away from you slightly. I guess you're really are mad at me, though I can't blame you; I would be mad at me too. I look back up at you and I'm taken back to see that you're crying. I'm slightly confused as I stand here watching you just looking at me crying as you shake your head slightly from side to side.  
"Why… why did you…" you begin to say, your arms wrapping around your chest as you lower your gaze from mine.  
"You don't know how worried I've been… I really thought that… that you would… really go and take your life… with out even saying… saying a proper goodbye," I hear you tell me as I watch the tears slowly run along your cheeks before they fall to the ground.

I hesitate as I go to take a step towards you and I look back up at the wall, Bryans standing there still, keeping his eye on you but he nods his head at me, and I return a nod in appreciation. I wrap my arms around you, drawing you into an embrace, slightly annoyed at myself for making you worry so much and about me of all people.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you," I whisper.

"I don't want you to die… I don't want you to go off and disappear on your own either…" you whisper looking up at me.  
"I want you to stay here… with me again, just like you did before," you smile slightly and I can tell you're embarrassed about this display of emotion by the red tint to your cheeks.  
"I must seem so weak to you…" you whisper your sentence trailing off as you turn away from me again.

I gently tilt your head back to face mine, my thumb gently wiping away your tears as I shake my head in response to your statement. You smile slightly, wrapping your arms behind my back as you lean forward and kiss me.  
"I'm glad you came back," you tell me and I smile as I press my lips gently against yours. It seems that I've been given a second chance, not just by you but by Bryan as well. It may take awhile, I know, for things to return to how they were, how I want them to be. Though hopefully It'll be easier to keep things how I envision them, for you and me to be happy.  
.  
..End..


End file.
